Moving to a new school – supporting your child
Why do children move school?
Unless your child goes to an all-through school, they will move schools at some point. In the UK, the standard entry points for schools are reception (age 4-5) for primary school, year 7 (age 11-12) for secondary school and year 12 (age 16-17) for sixth form/college.
Some schools may have standard admissions at other times (eg year 9 in some private schools and some areas have middle schools). Or perhaps your child needs to move at another point – even mid-year – due to reasons such as moving home, finding a better school for their needs, a change in your financial situation etc.
‘Changing schools can release a tsunami of emotions that not only impacts on the child but sends ripples through the whole family.’
‘Our research found that changing schools can release a tsunami of emotions that not only impacts on the child but sends ripples through the whole family,’ says Professor Vivian Hill, programme director of the UCL Institute of Education Doctorate in Child, Adolescent and Educational Psychology. ‘But where parents try to respond to their child’s individual needs, this can lead to a more positive transition.’
What to do before the move
‘The most important thing when moving schools is to give your child a sense of psychological safety – and that goes for any age,’ says educational psychologist, Dr Sarah Chestnutt.
Parents can achieve this in three main ways, she says. First, ‘by creating a sense of predictability – sticking with the same home routines and the activities they enjoy’.
Second, ‘by familiarising them with the new school – talking them through what it will be like (the campus, uniform, timetable, lunchtimes etc) and, if possible, taking them there for a visit, for taster days and to try out the new commute.’
Third, ‘by giving them a sense of agency – because all children like to feel in control of their own lives’. This is important even at nursery age, she says. ‘At this stage, it could be something simple like getting them to choose their own pencil case or school bag, while for older children, you could involve them in the decision-making process around the school itself, if that’s practical.’
Create opportunities for them to develop relationships with future classmates via playdates, taster days, local clubs etc, she adds. ‘It will give them an opportunity to ask questions, make friends and make things feel less overwhelming.’ You may also find it helpful to join local groups on social media or WhatsApp to connect with other parents.
Explain the reasons for the change
It will help if your child understands the reasons for the move, says Dr Chestnutt. ‘We’re moving because daddy has a new job’ or ‘We’re moving because this school is bigger and we think it will give you more opportunities to make friends / get involved with the sports you enjoy’.
Discuss similarities with their existing school (‘You’ll still have a form teacher’, ‘There will still be clubs you can join’ etc) and the differences (‘This school has a swimming pool,’ ‘You’ll move around for different subjects’ etc). These may not be as obvious to your child as you think (especially if they’ve only experienced one school so far).
Give your child space to explore their range of emotions: happy, excited, uncertain etc. ‘It’s about acknowledging that it’s natural to feel sad about what they’re leaving behind and nervous about what’s coming next, whilst also pointing out the positives to help them reframe their approach to the move.’
‘But avoid doing this around bedtime – choose a quiet time in the day,’ says Dr Chestnutt.
‘You may want to call on additional support,’ she adds – both from the existing school (eg an Emotional Literacy Support Assistant (ELSA)) who is used to helping children transition and who will have expertise in emotional literacy) and the new school (some schools employ staff specifically to manage transitions).
Leave with good memories
Try to ensure a positive ending, says Dr Chestnutt. ‘Good endings are as important as good beginnings as they have a lasting impression and help link our experiences.’
You could ask the teacher to create a memory book with the class or a card outlining what they valued about your child – and they’ll probably be happy to do some kind of celebration on the last day.
Also remind your child that they can keep in touch with their friends even if you’re moving away.
Settling in at the new school: the first few weeks
‘The first few weeks really matter and as an educational psychologist, I often remind parents that they can use this time to influence how safe, confident and connected the child feels for both that term and longer,’ says Dr Denise Miller.
Start with the practical things – ensuring your child has visited the school, met the staff and ideally their peers, as well as having the right clothes and possessions for the first day. ‘If they have additional needs, it can help for them to have social stories and be aware of routines.’
Ask the school to assign your child a buddy (if they haven’t already). ‘Finding your way around and interacting socially can be really quite tricky if you’re feeling scared and anxious and having another student to guide you through them can really help,’ says Dr Miller. You could also request regular check-in points with the new teacher while your child settles in – it will reassure you and give you a chance to make suggestions to them.
Keep pushing those playdates, she adds. ‘Clubs and other extracurricular activities can help too, both in terms of maximise friendship opportunities and ensuring your child is doing something they love.’
At home, keep things steady and predictable, eg the same meal and bed times. ‘Having a space to go home to that’s familiar and consistent helps with a sense of security.’
Listen out for your child’s anxieties and help to normalise and name them, she adds. ‘It could help to recall stories of how you felt when you were a child and tell them how you help soothe your own worries in life. But don’t be too negative - celebrating moments of joy will help give them a positive mindset.’
As a parent, you’re bound to be feeling anxious for your child, she acknowledges, ‘but it’s important not to transfer those feelings’.
Above all, remember that young people are adaptable and resilient and, with the right preparation in place, most will manage a school move well.
All the psychologists quoted in this article are chartered members of the British Psychological Society’s Division of Educational and Child Psychology.
