Should siblings go to the same school?

For families who are lucky enough to live within the catchment of a good state primary or secondary school, better still, one within walking distance, deciding to send all their children to that school is usually a no-brainer. And why wouldn’t you? No fractious and expensive car or bus journeys, local friends and parent networks, and continuity within a school that knows you and your children. Particularly for pre-school and primary children, this is low stakes and makes sense on every level.

There are other advantages too. It can really help a nervous new pupil settle in knowing that there’s an older sibling looking out for them. And, if the school you have chosen is very popular and oversubscribed, your children may benefit from a policy that gives priority to siblings (although do check the most recent local authority admissions criteria to ensure this is the case).

Siblings going to the same school makes perfect sense both logistically and for the reasons mentioned above and for many people there isn’t a realistic alternative. However, for those living in areas with, for instance, single-sex grammar or private schools, choice may be a live issue.

When it comes to academic results, selective boys’ and girls’ schools tend to dominate national league tables and, while this isn’t the whole picture, it’s certainly a draw for many parents.

There are well-rehearsed arguments for and against single-sex education (not to mention grammars and other academically selective schools), but the presence of the opposite sex is rarely as binary as its detractors depict. Many single-sex schools have reciprocal relationships with nearby brother or sister schools or even coeducational sixth forms. Nevertheless, if you choose this route then for at least part of their education boy and girl siblings will be educated separately.

But when single-sex schools aren’t part of the picture, for what other reasons might parents decide to send their children to different schools?

Different academic strengths and learning styles

Maybe you have children with very different academic profiles, one who would thrive in the competitive atmosphere of a selective school, another who would be better suited to a gentler, less pressurised environment.

Different talents and interests

Perhaps one of your children has an exceptional talent in eg sport or music and needs a school with specialist teaching and facilities in these areas.

SEN and pastoral considerations

If your child has special educational needs, then the extent and quality of a school’s SEN provision will be a significant factor in the decision-making process. The same is true of pastoral care if you have a child who may require extra emotional or social support. Issues like these can become obvious long after the eldest child has started at a school but prompt parents to consider whether a different school would make sense.

Escaping an older sibling's shadow

Putting specific needs or specialisms aside, you may simply have children who are radically different from each other.

What if, for instance, your eldest is an all-round over achiever who comes top in exams, stars in plays and excels on the sports field while their sibling is a quiet introvert who can’t catch a ball and struggles with maths? Particularly if they’re close in age, following in such illustrious footsteps could prove a tricky scenario for the younger child, however sensitively staff handle the situation.

A different school where that child could cultivate their own identity might be the answer.

This is more usually a dilemma parents face when looking at secondary rather than primary level education, and the child themselves will almost certainly have some involvement in the decision-making process.

Scholarships, bursaries and specialist opportunities

There may be very specific reasons for one child to go to a private school while siblings do not. For instance, they may have won a scholarship and/or bursary supported place for academic, musical or sporting excellence. Or, at junior level, a choral scholarship to a choir school may have been awarded based on voice tests. These are less contentious examples which would not normally arouse potentially divisive feelings about parents spending substantial money to educate one sibling and not another.

The financial implications of different schools

In the main, families considering private education will be doing their sums on the assumption that this will be a route taken by all their children. And there may be an additional financial incentive for siblings to attend the same school beyond a simpler school run and hand-me-down sports kit.

Many private schools offer discounts for families with more than two children attending. Generally, this would be a fee reduction of up to five per cent, so not a huge benefit, but helpful nonetheless.

Is it fair to send one child to private school and another to state school?

The decision to educate one child privately and another in the state sector might look unfair on the face of it, but there can be sound reasons for taking this path.

The choice is only unfair if it’s based on the assumption that private education is always inherently superior. Taking an approach to education that focuses on the individual might lead parents to send an exceptionally able child to a selective private school and their less academically minded sibling to a good state school offering a wider range of exam pathways such as BTECs.

As long as both are involved in the decision-making process, understand the reasoning and are happy with the outcome then this doesn’t have to be contentious.

Whichever route is decided upon, the success of such an arrangement depends less upon the schools themselves and more upon parental communication, emotional sensitivity, and the extent to which each child feels equally valued, respected, and supported.